On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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