I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
