you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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