In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
