I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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