theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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