I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
