i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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