dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
