this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
