he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
