We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
