Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
