my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
