who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
