Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
