I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
