Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
