do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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