drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
