You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
