theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Quick, to the slutcave!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think a kid would responsible me up
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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