i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
