For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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