I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
