I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
