Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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