I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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