I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
