And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
