it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
