So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
