Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize