I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
