just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I have aggressive nipples.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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