I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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