i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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