Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
