the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
