I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
