LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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