Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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