I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
