It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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