They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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