So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
