I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
