i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
