found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
