I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
