stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
wow bdsm is so cute
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
